Your Marriage Can Survive What Just Came to Light
Sex-addiction-aware couples recovery counseling in Washington State. Talk to someone who’s been on both sides of this.
Your Relationship Is in Severe Crisis
She found out.
The phone, the history, the second account… whatever finally tipped it.
Now she’s asking the same questions over and over in slightly different shapes.
You promised it would stop. You meant it.
It hasn’t. Or it did, and yet somehow you’re still here.
This is dire straits. And it’s where couples therapy for restoring trust typically begins.
You try to talk it out. The conversation hits the same wall by minute ten.
You try to push past it. The silence between you eats you alive.
A regular couples therapist took it on and didn’t quite know what to do with the addiction layer underneath.
This is not just a communication problem. It’s a trust injury with addictive behavior tangled into it – and those two things don’t get untangled in the usual ways.
If you want to, you can rebuild this. With the right structure, in the right order.
Collin A. Hansen, LMHC
Get Help from Someone Who’s Been There
As a therapist, I specialize in sex addiction recovery and partner betrayal trauma.
I’m also a man who has been in recovery from this myself for years. Married twenty. Six kids.
Kirutz is the method I built and work in. It treats the addiction and the trauma as strategies the mind reaches for when it’s looking for peace… and then it teaches you to recognize the peace that’s already there, underneath all of it.
Here’s what changes when both spouses are in the work:
- Sobriety scaffolding gets built for the husband, step by step.
- The wife stops being told she’s overreacting and starts being heard.
- Conversations begin to move forward instead of looping back.
- Honesty becomes something you can hand each other again.
- The marriage becomes a place you both want to be in.
The Three-Phase Path Back to Each Other
Stabilize the Crisis
Sobriety scaffolding for him. Reducing the acute panic for her. Individual ground before couples work. The floor stops falling.
Build the Skills
Daily practices: meditation, writing, reading, meetings, phone calls. The Kirutz Thought Ladder for the loops. You get tools that hold.
Recognize the Core
Identity work using parts dialogue and Byron Katie’s The Work. You start to recognize peace as a state already underneath the noise. You rebuild everything better.
Specialized Credentialing for This Exact Injury
I hold the SRT credential for sex addiction recovery and the PBTT credential for partner betrayal trauma, with nine years of focused practice. This is what I do every single day.
Recovery from the Inside
I’m a man in long-term recovery from this myself – married twenty years, raising six kids, walking the same daily practices I teach. I know this approach works.
Built for Couples Where Both Spouses Show Up
When both of you are invested in the recovery, I work with the marriage. When only one is ready, I work with that one until the other is.
Will couples work even make sense right now?
Yes, when both spouses are invested in the process. Early sessions often focus on stabilizing each of you individually so that joint sessions can actually move the marriage forward.
How long does this take?
The acute crisis can settle in a few months of focused work; the deeper rebuild of trust and identity is a longer arc.
My husband is still minimizing. Can we still start?
Often yes. Part of early work is helping him stop defending and start telling the truth. We meet him where he is and move from there.
I’m the wife and I’m not in acute rage, but I’m not okay. Where do I fit?
You fit. When you’re willing to engage the process alongside him, this work is built for you too. You won’t be told you’re crazy here.
Are you LDS? Does that matter?
I’m in long-term recovery myself within an LDS framework, and I work with people of any faith or none. The method is the method; the framework adapts.
There Is a Way Back. It Takes Honest Work.
Take the First Step Today
Both of you, calmer. The marriage, honest. A daily structure that holds his sobriety – and a wife who is no longer the only one watching for the next collapse.
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Payments & Services
Out-of-pocket payment accepted. Superbills available for HSA/FSA reimbursement and out-of-network insurance reimbursement.
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